Acts of Kindness and The Passing of Judgment

I love my fiance.  She has one of the most kind hearts when it comes to helping people in need.  From taking our neighbor to physical therapy to helping an elderly woman in the Walmart parking lot, and even once having a job as a caregiver to special needs women.  She just amazes me.  Seeing her do these things is a constant reminder to me that we are all in this life together, and we should do whatever we can to help our fellow man.

One evening last week, she looked out the back door to see an older gentleman trying to push his dead truck down the alleyway.  She called out to him asking if he needed help.  The next thing I know she's grabbing the keys to our car and walking out the back door to jump-start this fella's vehicle.

When all was said and done, she came into the living room to give me a recap of the event.  Apparently, the elderly gentleman had told her:

"A car passed by me with one of those Jesus bumper stickers on the back.  I tried to wave him down, and that son of a bitch flipped me off.  Here you are with all your tattoos and piercings, and you're the one asking to help.  Just goes to show you can't judge a book by its cover!"

Had my lady not gone to help him, he was going to push that truck all the way downtown to a repair shop.  Can you imagine having to do that?!  I was glad to hear his perspective had changed even slightly. 

I have seen people judge harshly, based on appearance alone, too often.  I suppose it can be pretty easy to do, but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with.  I have been on both sides of this judgment thing, and neither one is pretty.  Throughout my life, I have allowed myself to live as I wanted, no matter what others thought of me.  That made me the outcast in high school for the first three years.  By my senior year, I was well-liked by the majority of the school (at least those who knew me.)  I helped to change their perspective.  At the same time, I know there have been moments when I judged others negatively.  I can't explain why it happened, but I know I have usually been pretty good at scolding myself afterward.  Sometimes I think the judgment is a reflection of the ego.  We forget to love and understand those around us whether they are strangers, family or even our friends.

While we're on the topic of judgment, I would like to share something that I saw last night.  One of my cousins (I swear she is my sister) posted something online that she had found elsewhere.  It said:

"Our actions of the past shouldn't define who we are today. Our actions of today should help define who we want to become and how we want to spend our life."  

I challenged this a bit by saying we should take out the "shouldn't" and "should," replacing them with "don't" and "do."  My reasoning is simple.  The judgment of others does not define who we are.  Rather, it is our judgment of ourselves that places a definition of self.  

Throughout my quarter-century lifespan, I have learned a lot about kindness and judgment.  The two go hand-in-hand, if for no other reason than you are judged by the way you treat others.  When you show acts of kindness, that is what they will see in you.  Your appearance will no longer matter.  Their perception will shift.  

I hope this helps you to put your best foot forward.  You are kind.  You are loving.  You are you.  Let the world see it.

The Art of Making Love

On a snowy January night, I found myself tangled in my lover's arms.  It was one of those overwhelmingly perfect evenings.  Looking back, it was the first time I had ever felt the way I did.  The whole world disappeared as I gazed into her eyes, and I couldn't feel anything but love.  All thoughts ceased within my chaotic mind.  I found peace.

Talk of making love can be so taboo.  I don't understand why.  That deep connection you are able to share with your partner is one to be proud of.  Maybe it isn't so much taboo as it is hard to describe.  Or perhaps the taboo part is going into detail, which I assure you I don't intend to do here.

Making love is completely different from having sex.  We all know this, right?  There are so many books devoted to finding ways to please your partner sexually.  What a scam.  If you are in tune with your partner and have the ability to communicate openly, you have no need to seek books.  Sure, they can be fun to read and make you feel empowered - I'd be lying if I said I have never put my hands on one - but I just don't think it should feel necessary.  The joy of making love doesn't come from the right moves per se, but rather from the closeness you feel with your partner.  Where there is love there is a way.  And where there are intimacy issues there are causes beneath the surface.

In fact, there have been numerous things I've read that talked about making love in small ways throughout the day.  No sex involved.  Touching your lover's hand, making eye contact, and kissing each other passionately are all examples of this.  It should come as no surprise that these are things we do while in the full swing of sexual encounter with our lover.  Those are the parts that matter the most.  It should never be about climax, which is what the main object of sex has become.

The next time you are in the heat of the moment make sure to look into your lover's eyes.  Notice every sensation in your body.  Cherish every touch.  Notice every sound.  Forget everything but the love in your heart - the love that makes your heart burst forth with passion for your companion.

Love and peace go hand in hand.  May you find peace in the arms of your lover.

Get The Mood Right - The First Time

My newest order from Amazon arrived today!  I ordered "Project Happily Ever After," by Alisa Bowman (writer of a blog by the same title.)  I couldn't help myself.  Not only do I look forward to receiving her blog posts via email subscription, but it just felt good to buy a quality book from a fellow blogger.  Her focus is on creating a better marriage.  She is full of great ideas for those of us who need a little inspiration within our relationships.  Thus far I've only been able to read through to the second chapter, but I assure you there is time this evening set aside especially for reading it.

This morning I had a small epiphany as I was preparing to head to work.  I spent my morning dwelling on moods.  Since the birth of our son, I have mornings where I am horrible to deal with.  I freak out about the slightest things, and I will even rant and rave about things that aren't happening at that time.  Well, this morning was different.  (Perhaps... just maybe... it's because our son slept through the entire night which allowed us to catch up on sleep.)  When I woke up, I was in my initial dazed and confused period.  Nothing is coherent in my head at this point in my wake-up routine.  Once I use the bathroom and make some coffee, or rather get some coffee into my body, I am able to function.  I sat on the bed with my coffee and laptop.  I looked next to me at my beautiful fiance who was sleeping peacefully, and I thought, "Look at her.  I really love her."  That was all I needed to give myself a great day.  Nothing has been able to ruin it since that moment.

My epiphany was the realization that I can create the first mood of my day.  It doesn't come from the thoughts that ravage my mind.  It comes from what I see in front of me.  While some mornings it can be achieved by simply looking at my fiance, other mornings it comes from the smile of my son.  In the spring time, it usually happens when I notice the birds chirping outside my window.  With these moments in mind, I decided to look for ways to set the mood for my morning every day, because, let's face it, it's easy to have the winter blues!

1.  Leave a note.
Next to the bed, by the coffee pot, on the laptop - wherever it's going to be seen.  There have been times when my fiance would leave small notes for me in random places, and it never fails to make my day.  So, why wouldn't I be able to do this for myself?  All the note has to say is, "Be thankful for ______."  Fill in the blank.

2.  Read something inspirational before starting the day.
I am a blog-aholic.  There is no reason why I can't find one blog post every morning to read while drinking my cup of joe.  And even if I can't, I have this wonderful new book to read!  In the past, I have proven to myself the power of reading motivational blogs in the morning.  It really does something to put me on the right path.  If you would like to try this step but have never read a blog, I highly recommend Think Simple Now.  It is by far my favorite.  The author, Tina Su, has a great way with words, and after reading a few of her posts you will begin to feel like she is a friend of yours.  She is just so personable.

3.  Take a moment outdoors.
It's winter and a damn cold one where I live.  But there is still something great about taking a few minutes on my front porch to enjoy the peace of the world.  Walk out and take a breath of fresh air.  Look around without passing judgment in any way.  Enjoy being alive!

On that note, I am off to finish my wonderful day.  I hope everyone else is finding joy as well.

To read Think Simple Now, you can visit this link.  To check out the blog Project Happily Ever After, go here.  And if you would like to check out the book I purchased by Alisa Bowman, be sure to visit the Amazon link below.

Dis-Ease

Every time I am feeling ill I remember a passage in one of Christopher Penzcak's books.  He said when we are feeling the effects of disease, we should try to figure out what it's telling us.  Most of the time, I feel like it means I need more adequate rest or a break from stress.  This time might be the same, but I'm not certain.  I have been sick for five days now and can't seem to find an end in sight.

There are many ways to dissect an illness from a spiritual standpoint.  Not only can I look at how tired it is making me, but I can look to the affected areas of my body.  If I have a sore throat (which I am thankfully not experiencing at the moment) I could say it's related to my throat chakra, and this would tell me I am not speaking my mind thoroughly or maybe I am speaking too much.  If I am suffering from headaches, I may need to become more in tune with my spiritual self and find some peace.

I love looking to the energy of chakras for meaning.  Sometimes it brings great relief.  I firmly believe we can cause our body to react negatively through our internal struggles.  Harmful energy that we create can turn into disease of all kinds.  Whatever illness has befallen me came because I have not been in a good place.  I have been allowing my stress to get the best of me.  It has caused outbursts of varying degrees, and it has also caused me to lose sight of much of my spiritual journey.  My illness says a lot, because it is widespread.  It's forcing me to take a long, deep look at myself and remember where I need to be in this world.

Christopher Penzcak explains all of this much better than I ever could.  This bit of information comes from his book The Inner Temple of Witchcraft.  Even if you have no interest in witchcraft, his books shed light on various spiritual topics.  He is the first author I ever felt connected to.  I can honestly say he helped create the spiritual person I have become.

All spiritual talk aside, I'm going to hope what I have isn't pneumonia.  I hear that's going around.

The BlackBerry Diet

I have a tendency to browse through numerous blogs in a week's time.  I'm always looking for new blogs to subscribe to.  Let's call it a new-found addiction.  Through my browsing this past week I came across not only a great blog but a great novel. 

The BlackBerry Diet by Barbara de Vries is based on the true account of her husband's affair.  While I haven't yet finished it, I am reading at a more rapid pace than I have in ages.  The story is very moving.  Anyone who has dealt with a cheating spouse will find it easy to see themselves in her position.  In fact, I venture to say one would be able to place themselves in her position even if they have never endured this kind of predicament.  I think the thing I love most is her ability to share her experience with the world.  It takes a lot of courage not only on her part but on her husband's as well.  They stayed together, and that is the beauty of it.

I have thrown about the idea of writing a novel based on some of the situations my fiance and i have gone through.  It's more than some couples face in a lifetime.  If I would decide to share with the world, I hope it touches people the way Barbara has touched me.  There is something to be said about the feeling of realizing you aren't alone.  It truly gives the sense of empowerment.  It's okay to go through something like this and feel totally crazy.  And it's okay to walk away from it having become a stronger person.

If you would like to read The BlackBerry Diet, Barbara has posted it online for free viewing.  You can read it here.  Be sure to bookmark it, and enjoy!