"A strong emotional obsession or pattern is like the scene in "The Wizard of Oz" where Dorothy and her companions finally get to Oz. The Wizard is this powerful, looming presence that terrifies them—until the little dog Toto calmly goes over and pulls back the curtain to reveal an old man stooped over the controls, manipulating a huge wizard image. Emotional fixations are like that—if you see them clearly, unflinchingly, for what they really are, you take the power away from them. They no longer control you. Confusion dawns as clarity." ~ Tara Bennett-Goleman
I've spent the past week trying to come to terms with my attachments. I have always been someone who finds love and then clings to it. I never looked at it as a character flaw until recently. I had always pointed fingers instead. However, at this time, life threw me into a situation where I had to put the needs of my loved one before my own. It's all been so clear to me lately.
I finally decided to practice meditation every day, something I had been putting off for a long time. It's funny how we will remove the things that can help us, but we keep the things that are obviously unhealthy. The simple practice of sitting in silence and feeling the flow of life has me more connected to EVERYTHING, instead of one person. This is exactly what I need. I have so much love inside of me. Sometimes, I feel it's too much for me to be giving to one person. I should be sharing with everyone I meet.
That is not to say I am not "clingy" by nature. I thoroughly enjoy spending time with my partner, no matter the scenario. What is important is that I be able to know when to step back and let her do her thing.
OH, another part of this topic: attachment to outcomes... expectations. I am so full of these. I think a lot of us are. The problem is not the expectations in themselves, but rather the fact that we hang onto them as if they HAVE to happen. We should be transforming these expectations to simple ideas or dreams. Here's the biggest example I have for you: When in a relationship, most will tell themselves it's never going to end, or they simply ignore the fact that it's possible. One major thing I've learned from my Buddhist studies: "Change is the only constant." Not a single thing in this life is permanent. Every day, something about YOU is different. It works the same with everyone else. People grow in different ways. Yes, sometimes a couple can last a lifetime, but you can't bet on it happening. You should be happy you have them while you do, but learn they could leave at any moment. You, also, could be the one to leave.
What has helped me recently is the idea of living in the moment. All you have is this moment. So, make the best of it. If you are without a loved one, it is okay to struggle, but you must take the steps to be happy on your own. Learn to love yourself and your life, your friends and your passions. If you can better connect to these things, I promise you will be happy again.
I am going through a time of spiritual renewal. I swear it's like clockwork every winter. My significant other is going through her own time as well. I can't say what's going to happen with us. Am I worried? Only some of the time. If I spend too much time focusing on getting what I want, then yes I worry. If I spend time thinking about myself and about her happiness, as individuals, I do not worry. Love transcends all boundaries. No matter what happens, I have connected with this lovely woman in many ways. There is light at the end of every tunnel, even if it's only a pinprick.
I've learned every experience is an adventure. Good or bad, there's a lesson in all of it. I'll end with a quote that always lifts my spirits.
"Expect to get sucked into the river of life without a paddle occasionally, and maybe even get tossed out of the canoe. Learn to swim and go with the flow." ~ Phylameana lila Desy
