I can start by saying, "I don't know how I lost my way." However, I know the reasons. There are more of them as the days go by. I've started keeping a personal journal again. It's been a long time since I've had one of those. When talking to a friend the other night, he told me, "You know as well as I do there are many causes for depression, but one main issue underneath them all." He's right. I've had days to let things take their course, and I'm figuring out the largest problem.
The internet.
It may sound stupid or even funny. In fact, it's funny I'm still on the internet after knowing this. No, my problem is more about being addicted to the internet. I am addicted to every single aspect of it. Communication, the wealth of knowledge, a million and one games, etc. It has kept me from getting out of this house and really experiencing life. I was most spiritual when I didn't have internet at home. I had to leave the house every morning to sit at a cafe. Not only did this limit my internet time drastically, but it got me into the world.
I'm not going to get rid of my internet connection. The truth is I need it for work. However, in the near future, I must learn to live without being on the internet all the time. I need to reconnect with the world outside... the world I was a part of as a child. And I know I'm not alone. There are other people with this addiction, and I'm not even sure they are aware of it. If they are, they don't care. I didn't. My friends call me Digital Tara for a reason. If it's electronic, you can bet I'm touching it.
I don't know how hard it's going to be to get away from this problem, but I have to take the steps to try. Recently, I've also been trying to quit smoking. I know it's time. It hasn't been as easy as I wanted it to be, but I suppose that's just the way it goes. It's time for me to give up my addictions. There may be many I don't know about yet. I'm going to find them. I will be healthier than ever.
Here's to being human.....
