The Social Lesson

In The Beginning

As far back as I can remember, I've had stage fright.  I always feared what people thought of me as I stood up in front of them and tried to speak.  I came very close to fainting once during a school speech - a speech which my partners gave as I squeaked out only a few words.  This fear of "the stage" was a bit of a problem since I was an aspiring musician. 

Eventually, after joining a band, I began playing gigs and forcing myself to get over my fear.  I was nervous through the entirety of the first few shows.  In later shows, I was only nervous before our performance, and further down the road I found myself taking each gig with absolute ease.  The moment we arrived at the venue, I was transformed.  I would visualize myself as confident and outgoing, and somehow this worked for me.  Not only did I fool the crowd; I fooled myself, and as a result my performances were almost always astounding.

Shift Back to Present-Day

Recently, I've become involved with a new business which requires me to be social.  Go figure.  Throughout the years I've acquired quite a range of anxieties, one of them being social anxiety.  In fact, I'm pretty sure it's my worst one.  Making phone calls, to anyone, is especially hard for me.  Perhaps this is my chance to cure the anxiety once and for all.  It is just one of the many lessons I will learn on this new journey.

My contemplation of the topic at hand has led me to think about the various roles we play in our lives.  While on stage, I am a confident, energetic rock star.  When I'm working at the grocery store, I have no problem being socially involved with strangers - whether in person or through the telephone.  But place me back into my house, and the underlying issues arise again.  Basically, I have learned to adapt in certain environments but not in others.  I have become comfortable being the confident, outgoing person when placed in the "correct" scenarios. 

In truth, I have always been a shy introvert.  I've spent about ten years trying to get away from it.  Breaking out of that shell requires some bit of acting.  But I don't want to be an actress in all aspects of my life.  Nor do I want to be an actress forever.  How does one get from acting to being?

Then again, maybe I'm not always acting.  

A Solution

As though it was meant to be, I was tuned into an article on wholeliving.com which said something I needed to hear (and which also relates to this post.)

"How long does it take to write a two-line email to someone who might help to grow your business? Typically people hold this to be a huge task because anxiety wells up in them when they think about putting themselves “out there.” But the reality is that the email itself takes hardly a minute or two to write. If you learn to calm yourself, center yourself, and not magnify the risk involved, you could make significant headway every time you found a few minutes at your disposal."

Wow!  My social anxiety really is linked to my fear of putting myself "out there."  While my anxiety never creeps up over emails, the advice offered above can come in handy when I have phone calls to make.  I already calm myself at times when I must talk to people face-to-face.  So, cultivating that ability with phone calls should be relatively easy.  I'll give it a shot and see how it goes.

As a side note:  The new business I've gotten myself involved in has been taking a bit of my free time.  I've also been diving deeply into my studies.  So, please bear with me while my posts are few and far between.  I'm hoping to pick up the pace again soon.

If you would like to read the article I quoted above, you can do so here:  Using Small Intervals of Time for Creative Work

A Look At Stress

I have been reading a lot about stress and anxiety.  I have a tendency to overly stress about pretty much everything.  It seems to run in my family, which leads me to believe it is a learned behavior.  If that is the case, it should be something that can be overcome, although not without much hard work, knowledge, and persistence.

Stress, in animals, only occurs during dramatic, life-threatening events.  For humans, it is still a response to danger, but we have taken it even further.  There are stages to stress - The first being fight-or-flight. It is the response we feel whenever our danger receptors are initiated.  This is a natural reaction.  Although, once you pass this first stage and still feel yourself stressing to the point of exhaustion (which is the last stage), you are no longer in the natural state of things.  When a pack of animals is attacked, they feel stressed and begin to flee (or fight if they feel powerful enough).  Once the danger has passed, they can be found licking wounds and tending to their loved ones before calling it a day.  They move on from the situation and resume their daily ways.

The stress we encounter in our day-to-day lives is brought on not by danger but by change.  Some people adapt quickly to change while others (like myself) need time to adjust.  I am a creature of habitual routine.  If something interrupts my patterns, I don't know what to do.  I freeze in place while my thoughts begin to race.  Sometimes I even rant and rave - similar to the temper tantrum of a toddler.  If I can get through the initial shock with a little help from positivity (this happens occasionally), I actually adjust quite quickly. 

The thing about stress is it's always there.  The way to overcome it is by taking action.  When I am stressed because I have too much to do, I take steps to get as much done as possible, leaving less important tasks for a later time.  This helps me to feel at least a slight sense of accomplishment.  The feeling of fulfillment then helps me to release my stress.  If the feeling of accomplishment isn't enough to take away the anxiety, there are a few other things I do to gain a sense of relief.

• Listening to music

The greatest thing about music is that you can use it while doing pretty much anything - or nothing.  You can put on some headphones and lie down in the grass, or you can pump the volume on the stereo while doing your housework.  There has never been a time when music didn't move me in some way.

• Meditation

I don't always use meditation in its best form.  In fact, to be honest with you, I haven't fully meditated in probably a year or longer.  However, I do take brief moments every day to meditate on the moment.  Usually I will go outside and focus on the sounds of the birds chirping, the feeling of the breeze traveling across my skin or the way the trees look in the sunlight.  When you take time out to focus on the moment, it reminds you that stress is not something that was brought to you. Rather, it is something inside that you can control.

• Exercise

While I have yet to begin a more strenuous exercise routine (I am the worst procrastinator), I have found the simplicity of taking a walk to be a great stress reliever.  Not only can it bring you back to the moment but sometimes the movement will help to slow down the racing thoughts.  I do, on the other hand, believe a regular exercise routine is a key to opening the door of calmness.  I'm in the process of setting something up for myself.  Perhaps I'll blog about it at a later time.

• Hobbies

This is the greatest point for me.  Get creative!  Making music, writing, painting, gardening or whatever might please you helps to diffuse situations which bring on anxiety.  This is the best choice when you find yourself stressing over something which you have no control over. 

Scientific studies show that overwhelming amounts of stress can lead to various physical problems.  Society finds more and more ways to stress us out.  In order to maintain a healthy lifestyle in a world full of anxiety, we must find ways to cope.  Each person is different.  Explore all the options, experiment and find what works for you.

Let's find relief!