Back to Reality Again

After having a weekend full of band related activities, I find it really hard to get back into the swing of real life. Going back to my day job is probably the hardest chore of all. After playing shows and having rehearsals, I always start to see how I feel about my job in comparison to my music, my career. If I could spend every day working on music and live off such endeavors, I would absolutely do it. That would be happiness for me. However, here I am questioning my daily life again. Wondering what I can do to make my days happier for myself. I've been thinking a lot about a new job. That could help, but for how long? I suppose it all depends on what kind of job I would get. Not to mention, jobs are hard to come by in Williamsport. I couldn't tell you why, but It's a very frustrating ordeal.

My mind has been throwing around the idea of moving back to York, or the general vicinity. The place really isn't that bad. I think it's less beautiful than Williamsport, and the people are not as close to one another, but there is a lot going for it as a city. There are many activities and venues for the band. Many job opportunities. My family and closest friends. I never wanted to go back. I still am not completely sure of the idea. But it's not like it will be happening anytime soon. Between my financial status and the lovely girlfriend I've aquired while living here, I will be stuck for a bit longer. When the time comes to leave, I will know it. I remember the feeling all too well.

Here's to taking charge and releasing all worries...

Must work quickly

After waking up with cramps and needing to rid myself of them before work, I don't have much time to write today. There is only one thing I was truly looking forward to writing about though. Reiki. I could probably even say I just want to talk about healing, in general. There are times in my life when certain things pop up at just the right time. This seems to be another one of those times. Every time before this, it was a type of spiritual awakening, but somehow this isn't very different.

I've recently begun learning Reiki, not only for my own knowledge and practices, but so I might be able to help soothe the pain my girlfriend has on a daily basis. Her health and happiness are very important to me, as I know they are to her. I've been studying harder than I believe I ever have before. Yesterday, I even did my first distance healing. The experience was an intense one, and I hope to further develop my skills in time. It is necessity. I would love to help heal many others in the future. So many people are in pain, emotional and physical. I'm wanting to help them all in so many ways.

I also found a bit of information on EFT. Emotional Freedom Techniques. If anyone is familiar with the meridians in the body, you may be familiar with EFT. From what I've gathered, you spend time tapping your meridians in distinct areas to relieve many forms of emotional negativity, trauma, and disease. I plan on looking into it more once I've found a little more time to do so.

This period of my life has become the period of the hermit. And I'm not complaining.

Cheers to healing all wounds!

Movement

Of all things to bring about a moment of awareness: an instance of head lice. In all my running around to help a friend I rarely get to see anymore, I realized Caleb was right yesterday... I really am a hermit. While, sometimes, I think this is a good thing, it's definitely not good all the time. Sometimes, I believe it worsens my anxieties about the outside world. I can make up all kinds of excuses as to why I don't leave the house, but none of them truly make sense. So, it is now my duty to force myself to leave at least once a day (not including going to work.)

I've also started a small exercise routine that I would eventually like to do every day. Since I haven't been smoking, I have been obviously eating a bit more than usual. So, I would like to control what happens to my body with all this change. Quitting smoking is supposed to be a healthy adventure. If it ends in an overweight body, things aren't so healthy anyway. Once I can find a good routine to get myself into, I will be well on my way. I realized that no matter how much I like to believe I am spontaneous, I really love my routines. I find a comfort in them. If I can find comfort in exercise and healthy eating patterns, it will be easier to say, "So long, cigarettes!"

I had a dream last night. My ex was in it. When I wake from these dreams, I have trouble not thinking about her. I've known for a little while that I am not completely over this woman, but I am over her for the most part. It's saying something when she and I can sit for hours in a coffee shop and just talk without me bringing up our past in some negative light. On the contrary, I can honestly look at what we had and cherish it. We learned so much from each other and even with each other. I wouldn't trade it for the world. However, I would not run back to that time period either. I am happy with my position right now and where I am heading. I am also very happy for her and the position she is in. I only hope we continue on the same paths, in health and happiness. I guess I just question what it is I am hanging onto. There's obviously a piece somewhere that I am missing. Awareness is key. Perhaps, meditation is the answer.

"Stagnation does not occur because of surroundings and situations. It occurs from within." ~ A thought I had this morning, referring to not only myself but everyone else around me who feels they aren't going anywhere.

Here's to physical AND spiritual movement!

Last night, I had my first recalled dream in a long time... I dreamed of trying to get to my girlfriend's house to sleep with her, a large snow in july, a million and one plow trucks (didn't seem very necessary,) and an ex boyfriend i haven't even thought about in ages. ... Must have been the caffeine.

Onto other things, I just read an article about a woman who, at age 75, is stripping publicly. My first reaction: the same as everyone else I'm sure. However, I realized, if this woman can feel so fine about herself as to strip down without feeling insecure in the least bit, good for her! I think more people should feel this way about themselves. Sometimes, I've wondered if we're meant to be naked all the time, like a tribe of sorts. If we were, there would be no clothing to make people cool or sexy. Not to mention, if people were used to seeing everyone else naked, it would be less of a sexual thing. It would be common. Sex might not be such a wonderful event in that scenario. In theory, this could bring down the rape numbers. Just a thought.

About a month ago, I was shocked to realize how many rapes occur all the time. It's something that isn't thought about on a daily basis, and I'm not sure if it should or shouldn't be. I mean, if women thought about it everyday (as I was during the week I had this realization,) it would create a paranoia. It's hard to live life to the fullest when you're constantly worried someone might attack you. It is good to know life isn't perfect all the time. It's good to know that there are people out there that could potentially hurt others. Essentially, it's good to know the truth. However, dwelling on these truths doesn't help anyone. Once you are aware of the world around you, you will perceive threats before you normally would, anyway. This is what keeps me from worrying. Not to mention, it's much better to live a life of joy than one of constant anxiety.

Here's to changing the world one person at a time....

Here's a start

I found myself wanting to write personal blogs less often on Myspace. People on Myspace are purposely looking for that invitation into one's soul and mind. I really don't like it. But I can't say I haven't been one of those people.

So, here I am, on blogger yet again. It has been many years since I last posted something on here. Now, with a fresh start, I feel ready to post as I please. Sometimes, I may bare some piece of my thoughts that is unusual to spill, and other times I may post something completely random and out in left field. If you are here, and keep coming back, it means I'm doing something right I suppose.

I've been studying Buddhism for about 6 months now, and as time goes on, I feel more and more drawn to the path. I can see myself in many different lights, from many different angles. By doing so, I feel I am a better companion to all those around me. I can feel a bit of anger well up inside me, but as long as I am in some state of awareness (even a small amount,) I can stop myself and realize it is not truly me that is angry. It is only my ego. I do not wish to live from my ego. We all do though. And as long as I am living in this reality (as opposed to solitary confinement or a monastery,) I will continue to have pieces of me reacting through the ego. It is a fact of life. It's always easier to be whoever you want to be when you are locked up. Take, for example, all the men and women in our prisons. When they are there, most of them read and learn. In fact, I've heard many stories about prisoners becoming Buddhists while in the prison system. However, what happens when they get out and go back home? What happens when you end up around people who bring out worse parts of you? It's hard to have enough self-control to handle that situation correctly.

Studying Buddhism has also led me to be a vegetarian. This is something I never thought I could accomplish. I always used to tell people, "I could never be a vegetarian, let alone a vegan. I am way too picky. Not to mention, I love meat!" Now, I look back, and I have a hard time seeing myself back then. Now that I've stopped eating meat, I feel much healthier. When I would eat it before, I would feel weighted down, and there would be a pressure in my chest. It always made me uncomfortable, but I didn't think I could do anything about it. Since I stopped, I never feel that way. I strive to get all the vitamins I need. But really, when i was eating meat, I wasn't eating much of anything else. I had a horrible diet! So, it's an over-all change. No matter what I do right now, I have much healthier eating habits than I once did.

I also recall watching a video a while back... It showed the way they process different animals in slaughter houses. I remember crying, and, at one point, almost throwing up. From that moment on, I had wanted to change. Now, I feel like I am making a difference for these living creatures. I know it is a very miniscule difference, but it does help. And as time goes on, more and more people are shifting their diets. It's a beautiful sight. We, as humans, need to stop destroying everything around us, and start re-building life.

I hope the world does crumble... and I hope we make it better next time.

Here's to world peace....