Movement

Of all things to bring about a moment of awareness: an instance of head lice. In all my running around to help a friend I rarely get to see anymore, I realized Caleb was right yesterday... I really am a hermit. While, sometimes, I think this is a good thing, it's definitely not good all the time. Sometimes, I believe it worsens my anxieties about the outside world. I can make up all kinds of excuses as to why I don't leave the house, but none of them truly make sense. So, it is now my duty to force myself to leave at least once a day (not including going to work.)

I've also started a small exercise routine that I would eventually like to do every day. Since I haven't been smoking, I have been obviously eating a bit more than usual. So, I would like to control what happens to my body with all this change. Quitting smoking is supposed to be a healthy adventure. If it ends in an overweight body, things aren't so healthy anyway. Once I can find a good routine to get myself into, I will be well on my way. I realized that no matter how much I like to believe I am spontaneous, I really love my routines. I find a comfort in them. If I can find comfort in exercise and healthy eating patterns, it will be easier to say, "So long, cigarettes!"

I had a dream last night. My ex was in it. When I wake from these dreams, I have trouble not thinking about her. I've known for a little while that I am not completely over this woman, but I am over her for the most part. It's saying something when she and I can sit for hours in a coffee shop and just talk without me bringing up our past in some negative light. On the contrary, I can honestly look at what we had and cherish it. We learned so much from each other and even with each other. I wouldn't trade it for the world. However, I would not run back to that time period either. I am happy with my position right now and where I am heading. I am also very happy for her and the position she is in. I only hope we continue on the same paths, in health and happiness. I guess I just question what it is I am hanging onto. There's obviously a piece somewhere that I am missing. Awareness is key. Perhaps, meditation is the answer.

"Stagnation does not occur because of surroundings and situations. It occurs from within." ~ A thought I had this morning, referring to not only myself but everyone else around me who feels they aren't going anywhere.

Here's to physical AND spiritual movement!