Here's a start

I found myself wanting to write personal blogs less often on Myspace. People on Myspace are purposely looking for that invitation into one's soul and mind. I really don't like it. But I can't say I haven't been one of those people.

So, here I am, on blogger yet again. It has been many years since I last posted something on here. Now, with a fresh start, I feel ready to post as I please. Sometimes, I may bare some piece of my thoughts that is unusual to spill, and other times I may post something completely random and out in left field. If you are here, and keep coming back, it means I'm doing something right I suppose.

I've been studying Buddhism for about 6 months now, and as time goes on, I feel more and more drawn to the path. I can see myself in many different lights, from many different angles. By doing so, I feel I am a better companion to all those around me. I can feel a bit of anger well up inside me, but as long as I am in some state of awareness (even a small amount,) I can stop myself and realize it is not truly me that is angry. It is only my ego. I do not wish to live from my ego. We all do though. And as long as I am living in this reality (as opposed to solitary confinement or a monastery,) I will continue to have pieces of me reacting through the ego. It is a fact of life. It's always easier to be whoever you want to be when you are locked up. Take, for example, all the men and women in our prisons. When they are there, most of them read and learn. In fact, I've heard many stories about prisoners becoming Buddhists while in the prison system. However, what happens when they get out and go back home? What happens when you end up around people who bring out worse parts of you? It's hard to have enough self-control to handle that situation correctly.

Studying Buddhism has also led me to be a vegetarian. This is something I never thought I could accomplish. I always used to tell people, "I could never be a vegetarian, let alone a vegan. I am way too picky. Not to mention, I love meat!" Now, I look back, and I have a hard time seeing myself back then. Now that I've stopped eating meat, I feel much healthier. When I would eat it before, I would feel weighted down, and there would be a pressure in my chest. It always made me uncomfortable, but I didn't think I could do anything about it. Since I stopped, I never feel that way. I strive to get all the vitamins I need. But really, when i was eating meat, I wasn't eating much of anything else. I had a horrible diet! So, it's an over-all change. No matter what I do right now, I have much healthier eating habits than I once did.

I also recall watching a video a while back... It showed the way they process different animals in slaughter houses. I remember crying, and, at one point, almost throwing up. From that moment on, I had wanted to change. Now, I feel like I am making a difference for these living creatures. I know it is a very miniscule difference, but it does help. And as time goes on, more and more people are shifting their diets. It's a beautiful sight. We, as humans, need to stop destroying everything around us, and start re-building life.

I hope the world does crumble... and I hope we make it better next time.

Here's to world peace....