I have a habit of letting go of my awareness, falling back into old patterns that are harmful to myself and others. Usually, I can take notice to it right away, and get back on track. Somehow, it took me a little longer this time. I came back to myself when I realized I haven't been doing anything spiritual with myself for the past month or so. That's a huge problem. The moment I realized it, I decided to listen to Joan Halifax on her dharma podcast. It's amazing how much of an influence she has on my thoughts. Just the sound of her voice shoved me back to where I want to be.
I meditated today, in a different way than usual. After a few minutes, I really felt like I wasn't here anymore. I couldn't grasp my shape or size anymore. Nor could I figure out where I was. It was like being 2 inches tall and in the ground while also being 15 feet tall and floating through the air. There is no other way to explain it. It was a much needed experience. I know, now, when I reach my suffering points, it is because I am too attached to myself, my ego.
As I've always said, awareness of the root of the problem is the first step to solving it.
Here's to not squandering one's life away...
