First, I would like to wish you all a belated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! It'd be nice if I could keep up with these things, but alas I cannot. Around the holidays I tend to forget that I enjoy the internet at all. I focus more on my family and (afterward) trying to calm down from all the stress.
Thankfully, I am finally starting to find some balance since the birth of my son in October. I feel like it took longer than it should have, but I suppose each person is different. The length of time for an adjustment period can vary. I have found a pattern within myself that pertains to adjustment periods. I am the type of person who will stress out about this change, and I will allow it to grow and grow and grow until it seems like I am freaking out on a daily basis. Then one day I will do something for myself that feels like it puts one piece of the puzzle back in. Then another. Slowly but surely I piece myself back together around the change, and I allow the change to flow with everything else. I envy those who are able to embrace change from the moment it hits them. I have never been like that. Whereas my flow with change comes long after it first occurs, their flow comes almost immediately.
While I embrace the Buddhist notion of living in the moment and not having expectation, these are some of the hardest habits for me to break. I develop routines to create a smooth road for myself. And yes, it is smooth, until I reach that pothole of change that makes me swerve off the road and land in a ditch. The funny thing about falling flat on your face in that ditch is that it gives you no choice but to find a new way.
For the past two months I have set aside my arts, my blog, and most of my goals. While it was turbulent for me to let go of my selfish needs and desires, I do not regret it. I did it because I knew it was the best thing for my son. He is my number one priority, and he totally deserves it. Now, finally, the balance has come back to me. I can put him first, but I can bring my goals back in around him, even making music with him right next to me staring and cooing. He has even motivated me to start new projects I had only dreamed about previously. It is absolutely beautiful - a masterpiece made of the finest threads of life.
My hope at this time is to continue sharing my journey with all of you once again. It feels good to be back!
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