The Newest Chapter

First, I would like to wish you all a belated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!  It'd be nice if I could keep up with these things, but alas I cannot.  Around the holidays I tend to forget that I enjoy the internet at all.  I focus more on my family and (afterward) trying to calm down from all the stress.

Thankfully, I am finally starting to find some balance since the birth of my son in October.  I feel like it took longer than it should have, but I suppose each person is different.  The length of time for an adjustment period can vary.  I have found a pattern within myself that pertains to adjustment periods.  I am the type of person who will stress out about this change, and I will allow it to grow and grow and grow until it seems like I am freaking out on a daily basis.  Then one day I will do something for myself that feels like it puts one piece of the puzzle back in.  Then another.  Slowly but surely I piece myself back together around the change, and I allow the change to flow with everything else.  I envy those who are able to embrace change from the moment it hits them.  I have never been like that.  Whereas my flow with change comes long after it first occurs, their flow comes almost immediately. 

While I embrace the Buddhist notion of living in the moment and not having expectation, these are some of the hardest habits for me to break.  I develop routines to create a smooth road for myself.  And yes, it is smooth, until I reach that pothole of change that makes me swerve off the road and land in a ditch.  The funny thing about falling flat on your face in that ditch is that it gives you no choice but to find a new way. 

For the past two months I have set aside my arts, my blog, and most of my goals.  While it was turbulent for me to let go of my selfish needs and desires, I do not regret it.  I did it because I knew it was the best thing for my son.  He is my number one priority, and he totally deserves it.  Now, finally, the balance has come back to me.  I can put him first, but I can bring my goals back in around him, even making music with him right next to me staring and cooing.  He has even motivated me to start new projects I had only dreamed about previously.  It is absolutely beautiful - a masterpiece made of the finest threads of life.

My hope at this time is to continue sharing my journey with all of you once again.  It feels good to be back!

The Giving of Thanks

My son's first snowfall comes on his first Thanksgiving. How memorable is that?! I laid in bed last night thinking about what he would be thankful for if he were able to speak. It would be the simple things like being well fed, having a fresh diaper and feeling the warmth of his mother's embrace. The simple things in life are truly something to be grateful for. On this day, I am reminded of all the beauty in my life. I hope you all can say the same.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Parenthood - The New Journey

I write while the tv is on and my son is slowly falling asleep beside me on the couch.  This is much different than my usual environment for blogging.  I tend to have silence or occasionally some motivational music, and I can't forget that cup of coffee.  However, since the arrival of little Virean, my world has been turned upside-down and even inside-out.  I wouldn't trade him for anything life has to offer, but that doesn't make things much easier.  He will be three weeks old tomorrow, and nothing could have prepared me for the length of time it would take to transition into this new life.  In three weeks I have learned how much of a mess can come out of such a small body, that keeping my house clean is nearly impossible with a newborn around, and that I really should have cherished sleep while I was getting it.  I have also learned how to view the world from innocent eyes, the feeling brought by holding your own child in your arms, and to cherish every moment as I watch him grow.

While Josie was pregnant, I did my research not only on pregnancy related topics but also on child-raising.  I sort of left out the baby time-period in my studies, which has created quite the whirlwind of disaster at times.  There is frustration within me when I have to get up in the middle of the night to care for him while he screams in my ear, but I am quickly learning to deal with it.  My frustration is simply proof that my ego and selfish desires are trying to stay alive.  They have very little place in our home when there is a child depending on me.  The truth is there is no way to fully prepare oneself for the caring of an infant.  You learn as you go, and sometimes it seems the greatest lesson of all is to put your own needs aside.

That being said, my next step is to bring back the passions of my life while continuing to care for Virean.  I put my music, art, and blogging aside for months now, and I can feel the pull of them calling me again.  He has brought me much inspiration, and I can't wait to create beautiful works using it.  Finding balance (which is something I have always struggled with) will be harder now than it ever has been, but it is the one thing that will sustain my happiness. 

And let's face it, if I want to teach my son how to be happy in his life, I have to first be happy in my own.

Mothers

Today my fiance and I will be traveling out of town.  My mother is throwing a baby shower for us.  I love visiting with her, regardless of the occasion.  There is something about this woman that makes me feel so alive and so full of love.  Words cannot describe it entirely.  I know there are people out there that feel the same way for their mom, and I also know there are many who don't.  In fact, I have a few friends who have not had the pleasure of feeling this way.  I try to fathom the idea of having a mother with dependency and/or psychology problems, and I just can't.  It is unnerving to know children have to deal with these things (sometimes their entire lives.) 

While many people say they do not want to end up like their parents, I say I wouldn't mind.  In fact, I say I am.  (And this includes my father as well.)  While my mom and I share differing lifestyles, we are in fact very much alike in the realm of our minds.  I wouldn't change that for anything.  She instilled in me some of the greatest values.  I hope I can pass these on to my son as he is growing and learning from the world.

I am thankful for her every single day of my life.  I suppose I simply wish everyone could feel the same way.  A mother should care for and love her children unconditionally.  Why some women don't is beyond my comprehension.  I hope, if you have children, you will remember that you are shaping their existence every moment of your day.  You are creating small pieces of who they are.  These small pieces will expand and become larger traits as they learn what they fully mean. 

Parent - [pair-uhnt, par-] - A protector or guardian.

Changing our world one at a time....

Service

It's funny how I can walk into my day saying to myself, "This is totally going to suck," only to have it turn out well and sometimes even a bit fantastic.  Other days can go the opposite way.  Am I psyching myself out?  Is that what psyching yourself out means?  It's amazing what kind of things can transpire when you expect absolutely nothing.  Telling yourself it's going to be a beautiful day is like setting yourself up for disappointment when it rains a few hours later. (Maybe this is why I tend to thoroughly enjoy rainy days!)

Today I felt on top of the world after only a few minutes of what was supposed to be my "crappy" day.  I was delighted and cheerful with everyone I met.  Not a single thing ruined the mood.  How is it that we can encounter these kinds of mindsets and then regress later on?  We can be so knowledgeable to the way we would like to live our lives and yet turn back and do the exact opposite sometimes.  Moods fluctuate.  Change happens.  I can lift your spirits with a single smile or give you attitude that could potentially ruin your day.  This intertwining is so amazingly powerful.

If we keep in mind that we heal the world one person at time by simply offering a smile or exchanging kind words, we will refuse to allow our negative mindsets to stand in the way.  Keeping it in mind can be the hard part when we are focused on our ego and the bad feelings we are encountering, but if we take a deep breath and step away from the world for only a moment all will fall back to its rightful place.

While I am not always content with my job I do have to admit it brings many valuable learning opportunities.  Dealing with people isn't always easy especially when you are someone who is full of pride.  I am definitely one of those prideful people.  Yet, some days I find I am able to look away from my pride and see the beauty in making someone else feel great.  When I train a new employee, I explain the importance of customer service in our place of work.  I also explain to them that at some point in time they are going to deal with a disgruntled customer.  Many times over I have simply asked a customer to please be calm with me as I am going to fix their dilemma.  Not once have they continued to be so angry.  In fact, most times I can see the tension completely leave their body, and they leave me with kindness.  True customer service is the ability to put yourself in some one's shoes and make them feel better.  In turn, this could very well change the tides of their day.

In closing, I think I have found customer service to be a way of life instead of a job.  While it is important to focus on our own happiness and our own needs, it is also extremely beneficial to worry about the happiness and needs of others.  While I may not be great with this every day of my life, I am thrilled for those people who are capable of such a feat. 

We are all connected, and I am a firm believer in this unity of souls.  Recognizing it is only half of the lesson.