Trying to come back to Earth

It has been weeks since I have last felt like myself. Since my girlfriend has been in the hospital this past week, it is even worse. I allow myself to become overwhelmed by my thoughts a lot, which has inevitably led to having other negative situations arise. Law of Attraction. I had one of my closest friends freak out on me for something that was, by all means, my fault. Yet, I had no explanation, no excuse, no defense for myself. Just sat there and let tears fall as she railed into me with every thought-out word. It's just another one of those times where I am battling myself. I have too much going on to concern myself with every single situation at once. I feel like I am always misunderstood, by women especially. No one can ever just say... "well, that's just her. she would never intentionally harm me." At this moment in time, I should probably get to the biggest point of this blog today...

I need to let it all go.

I've done that before. Time and time again. And every time, it helps. There is no reason for me to be frustrated and stressed. Things will work out the way they are supposed to, and I will always do whatever I can to help push things in the right direction.

I am human, like everyone else, and we all make mistakes. I, too, can be forgiven. Most of all, by myself.

At this point, my biggest question is this: How can one be concerned with all the suffering in the world but not attached to it?

I have a hard time taking notice to the suffering and not trying to change it. If you can't see an outcome, if you lost all attachment to outcomes, you would not try to change anything. Here I am thinking too much again. However, I was born an empathetic individual. I cannot sit idly by and watch the ones I love go through turmoil. It doesn't work that way.

Every religion and philosophy I come across has holes in it. I suppose that's why I've only ever continued to build and follow my own, mostly. In time, I may better understand the Buddhist ways I have been attempting to understand and pursue. In fact, I could probably better understand once things around me calm down. However, it is I who should be able to calm myself down and continue to believe the same things. I should be able to feel the same way about life every single day.

I think a deep meditation is in order.