Societal Expectations

It's interesting to contemplate all the ways society has come to run our lives. Every day, at least once, I wish we could strip ourselves down to what we were when our species first began. Take away everything science has taught us and given us to waste our time. Why do we need to know these things? It has nothing to do with survival. It has only to do with this idea that knowledge is power and advancement is the best aspect of our lives. We measure ourselves based on how much we know, what clothes we can afford, how many friends we have, how much money is in the bank account, how busy we are.... and why? Because society has taught us to do so. Sometimes, I even find myself falling back into the trap.

I am a quality over quantity type of person. I know many people, but I have only a handful of friends. In my mind, a friend is someone you bond with mentally and spiritually on a constant basis, much like a lover without the romantic ties. A friend is not someone who added you on Myspace because he or she likes your profile. They aren't even the people you work with, attend school with or even visit when they live next door. Sure, you are close to these people. You have found a connection to them at this time. Now, move away and start a new life. How many of these people do you actually think about and wish you could spend time with? Those are your friends. I believe in the quality of the relationship. When relationships hold this type of bond they offer you more growth points in your life than the typical acquaintance. There are millions of people in this world who have never known this type of relationship. I've met them many times over and find, time and time again, that they have very little idea of who they are.

Knowledge. We all love it. But while knowledge is power, ignorance truly is bliss. Strip away everything we know and leave only our instincts and survival mechanisms, and you will find a more content species. When I see animals in nature, I see freedom. While the US claims to be a free country, it is not. Freedom is the ability to live however you wish. Obviously, if you granted true freedom to our current world chaos would ensue. If this world had never progressed so much intellectually, it might be a different story. I've said many times that I would like to find a clearing somewhere to live. I would use my time to build a small house from scratch and a garden for food. I would live simply and enjoy the peacefulness of life. Now, factor in where to get the seeds, how to build the house without tools, property taxes and the idea that you may be on someone's land. No true freedom. We have lost our ability to know exactly what freedom is because of the knowledge we have gained. I understand knowledge has created cures for many diseases, but these diseases are simply older illnesses that have transformed because we cured their original form. It is my belief that the more knowledge we acquire the bigger problems we will have to face.

Financial status has become the greatest burden to our species. Just like knowledge, money is power. Money will buy you whatever you want, literally. All you have to do is find a way to get it. We have been divided into classes based on the income of our households. I work a part-time job at a grocery store to provide for myself and my pregnant fiance. We are considered to be in poverty. In fact, after a long time of fighting to maintain my self-respect, we are now on welfare. I didn't want to go to the welfare office. I had been taught to believe that being on welfare made you a bad person. It made you a lazy person who sponges off the earnings of others. Here's the twist. I work part-time because I enjoy life outside of work. I enjoy having time to make music, write this blog, spend time with my family, and many other things. The people out there who are working forty hours or more a week, slaving away at factories (much like I once did), are trying to create a better existence for themselves by making more money. In fact, that has become the social standard. If you aren't slaving away at a dead end job you hate, you must be lazy. If you created your own business and found your way to the top, you must be lucky. (What people don't realize is the ones who rose to the top are ones who struggled because they refused to waste their lives working for someone else.) When I earlier mentioned how I sometimes fall back into the trap, this is the aspect I spoke of. I grew up doing things like mini-golf, bowling, going to amusement parks, taking road trips to the beach, vacations in sunny locations, etc. I can't do these things while I am in poverty. In our current state of life you are given two choices. You can kill yourself working to do all these fun man-made things and buy numerous material possessions to create a false happiness, or you can live in poverty and find life's true beauty and potential while struggling to keep up with your bills and create a solid foundation for your family.

There is no way to go back in time. Even if our world crumbled to pieces and we had to start over the same things would be built. The same lifestyle would occur. At this point, it is all we know. I urge everyone I meet to take comfort in real life. Go out and enjoy nature. Enjoy your close relationships. Enjoy the simple things. They are the only things that will keep you feeling fully alive.

They are the things that society cannot take away from you.

Let It Be

I've grown to love the blog posts at Raptitude.com. The latest post thoroughly explained an ability I have on occasion to just let things be as they are and flow with it. In fact, today I did just that... all day long. Usually I can only make it last for a little while before I become frustrated over something I wish were different, like not wanting to be at work or having customers come to me when I'm attempting to read something or do some other task. That last part probably has more to do with my urge to focus on one thing at a time as opposed to multitasking, but in some ways it relates to the topic at hand.

Today it was ninety five degrees when noon hit (my lunch time.) I enjoy sitting outdoors for lunch so I can get some fresh air and take in a change of scenery. So, I went to the picnic table, which at noon is sitting in full sunlight. Of course, no one else was there. They all sit in the air conditioned break room or go to the shade of the bus stop. I chose to sit in the sunlight with the heat. It didn't bother me one bit. I enjoyed the sun and fresh air while eating my delicious lunch for twenty minutes of my half hour break. I simply took the moment for what it was. Sure, I was hot. Yeah, I started to break a sweat. And every second was worth it.

"It is what it is." Over the past couple years I have learned to embrace this very simple saying. When I can fully let go of outcomes and choose to be in the moment everything feels much more lively and full of joy. Doing the dishes, scooping the catbox, mowing the lawn, sweeping the floor... these are no longer household chores. These are simply things I enjoy doing now.

Frustration and anger only come if you choose to fight what is happening in this moment. But if you can allow it to be, the moment will pass quickly and you will find happiness in it while it is here.

Let it be.
Be alive.

Addiction

I can start by saying, "I don't know how I lost my way." However, I know the reasons. There are more of them as the days go by. I've started keeping a personal journal again. It's been a long time since I've had one of those. When talking to a friend the other night, he told me, "You know as well as I do there are many causes for depression, but one main issue underneath them all." He's right. I've had days to let things take their course, and I'm figuring out the largest problem.

The internet.

It may sound stupid or even funny. In fact, it's funny I'm still on the internet after knowing this. No, my problem is more about being addicted to the internet. I am addicted to every single aspect of it. Communication, the wealth of knowledge, a million and one games, etc. It has kept me from getting out of this house and really experiencing life. I was most spiritual when I didn't have internet at home. I had to leave the house every morning to sit at a cafe. Not only did this limit my internet time drastically, but it got me into the world.

I'm not going to get rid of my internet connection. The truth is I need it for work. However, in the near future, I must learn to live without being on the internet all the time. I need to reconnect with the world outside... the world I was a part of as a child. And I know I'm not alone. There are other people with this addiction, and I'm not even sure they are aware of it. If they are, they don't care. I didn't. My friends call me Digital Tara for a reason. If it's electronic, you can bet I'm touching it.

I don't know how hard it's going to be to get away from this problem, but I have to take the steps to try. Recently, I've also been trying to quit smoking. I know it's time. It hasn't been as easy as I wanted it to be, but I suppose that's just the way it goes. It's time for me to give up my addictions. There may be many I don't know about yet. I'm going to find them. I will be healthier than ever.

Here's to being human.....

Attachment

"A strong emotional obsession or pattern is like the scene in "The Wizard of Oz" where Dorothy and her companions finally get to Oz. The Wizard is this powerful, looming presence that terrifies them—until the little dog Toto calmly goes over and pulls back the curtain to reveal an old man stooped over the controls, manipulating a huge wizard image. Emotional fixations are like that—if you see them clearly, unflinchingly, for what they really are, you take the power away from them. They no longer control you. Confusion dawns as clarity." ~ Tara Bennett-Goleman

I've spent the past week trying to come to terms with my attachments. I have always been someone who finds love and then clings to it. I never looked at it as a character flaw until recently. I had always pointed fingers instead. However, at this time, life threw me into a situation where I had to put the needs of my loved one before my own. It's all been so clear to me lately.

I finally decided to practice meditation every day, something I had been putting off for a long time. It's funny how we will remove the things that can help us, but we keep the things that are obviously unhealthy. The simple practice of sitting in silence and feeling the flow of life has me more connected to EVERYTHING, instead of one person. This is exactly what I need. I have so much love inside of me. Sometimes, I feel it's too much for me to be giving to one person. I should be sharing with everyone I meet.

That is not to say I am not "clingy" by nature. I thoroughly enjoy spending time with my partner, no matter the scenario. What is important is that I be able to know when to step back and let her do her thing.

OH, another part of this topic: attachment to outcomes... expectations. I am so full of these. I think a lot of us are. The problem is not the expectations in themselves, but rather the fact that we hang onto them as if they HAVE to happen. We should be transforming these expectations to simple ideas or dreams. Here's the biggest example I have for you: When in a relationship, most will tell themselves it's never going to end, or they simply ignore the fact that it's possible. One major thing I've learned from my Buddhist studies: "Change is the only constant." Not a single thing in this life is permanent. Every day, something about YOU is different. It works the same with everyone else. People grow in different ways. Yes, sometimes a couple can last a lifetime, but you can't bet on it happening. You should be happy you have them while you do, but learn they could leave at any moment. You, also, could be the one to leave.

What has helped me recently is the idea of living in the moment. All you have is this moment. So, make the best of it. If you are without a loved one, it is okay to struggle, but you must take the steps to be happy on your own. Learn to love yourself and your life, your friends and your passions. If you can better connect to these things, I promise you will be happy again.

I am going through a time of spiritual renewal. I swear it's like clockwork every winter. My significant other is going through her own time as well. I can't say what's going to happen with us. Am I worried? Only some of the time. If I spend too much time focusing on getting what I want, then yes I worry. If I spend time thinking about myself and about her happiness, as individuals, I do not worry. Love transcends all boundaries. No matter what happens, I have connected with this lovely woman in many ways. There is light at the end of every tunnel, even if it's only a pinprick.

I've learned every experience is an adventure. Good or bad, there's a lesson in all of it. I'll end with a quote that always lifts my spirits.

"Expect to get sucked into the river of life without a paddle occasionally, and maybe even get tossed out of the canoe. Learn to swim and go with the flow." ~ Phylameana lila Desy

Reviving the Spirit

I have a habit of letting go of my awareness, falling back into old patterns that are harmful to myself and others. Usually, I can take notice to it right away, and get back on track. Somehow, it took me a little longer this time. I came back to myself when I realized I haven't been doing anything spiritual with myself for the past month or so. That's a huge problem. The moment I realized it, I decided to listen to Joan Halifax on her dharma podcast. It's amazing how much of an influence she has on my thoughts. Just the sound of her voice shoved me back to where I want to be.

I meditated today, in a different way than usual. After a few minutes, I really felt like I wasn't here anymore. I couldn't grasp my shape or size anymore. Nor could I figure out where I was. It was like being 2 inches tall and in the ground while also being 15 feet tall and floating through the air. There is no other way to explain it. It was a much needed experience. I know, now, when I reach my suffering points, it is because I am too attached to myself, my ego.

As I've always said, awareness of the root of the problem is the first step to solving it.

Here's to not squandering one's life away...